Music was a constant in our house. I like to joke that between Mom and Dad, I received a very thorough music education. Every Saturday night was the same: 7:00 “Hee-Haw” with Dad followed by “The Lawrence Welk Show” at 8:00 with Mom. Then, of course, there was music at church on Sunday morning and evening. I don’t remember watching much TV when I was growing up in their house but it seemed like there was always music on the stereo. My dad has an extensive record collection and even more music on reel to reels, hundreds of cassettes, and CDs. He has music systems set up in every room in the house.
My musical tutoring continued with piano lessons. Mom wanted to be sure all of us learned to play and she was very strict about practice time. To her credit, all four of her children still play the piano and have made part or all of our livelihoods by making music. She seemed especially tough on me (I can already hear my siblings sighing). I remember practicing with gloves on because the music room was so cold. I remember hating to practice so much that I would cry crocodile tears to make the keys slippery. It didn’t matter what kind of shenanigans I pulled – Mom made sure I would practice.
Somewhere along the way she lost her love of music. Oh, she still sings and hums and whistles, especially when she’s upset and doesn’t want to hear someone talking. But she prefers the silence now. Occasionally I can play music at the house but she likes the quiet.
We sang together for many years. There were duets in church and choirs in the community. We made lots of music together. She still enjoys hearing the music I create but I think that’s more for the social aspect than for the music. As I said last week, there are words of encouragement and friendship towards everyone she meets. But her love affair with the notes has definitely waned. And that breaks my heart.
Mom gave me music from the beginning. It was one of her greatest gifts to me. The fact that I am any kind of a musician now stems from her dedication and faithfulness to instilling it in me. She was my chauffer to lessons at Truett McConnell and the encouragement I needed to audition for North Carolina School of the Arts where I earned a high school degree with emphasis in piano performance. So many times I’ve laughingly said that she made sure I would have a marketable trade so I wouldn’t be destitute.
Music brings me so much happiness. It’s not just that; it also gives me a place to teach, bring a community of singers together in one voice, and, most importantly, worship. I celebrate with music, weep with it when I’m sad, and use it as a solace. There have been studies that proved how music can reach into minds with dementia and remind patients of their youth. There are so many videos showing how music rejuvenates spirits locked in bodies, videos of singing where there had been no speech or dancing where there had been little walking.
So losing her desire for music is a very sad thing to me. I never thought we’d lose music. This is one thing we caregivers have in common. Loss. But for all we’ve lost, we’ve certainly gained a wonderful season that we probably never anticipated. What an unexpected blessing.
If you would like to share your story of caregiving or words of encouragement please contact [email protected]
