Do you believe we have a happiness set-point? Is there a consistent lens through which we view the world? It’s more than being an optimist although it’s true that most glass-half-full people do tend to have a higher set-point for joy. It’s more than moods or emotions. I think of it as a place where we rebound. No matter what our circumstances – utter sadness or complete ecstasy in a given set of events – we come back to “our” point of happiness.
Mom’s set-point for joy has always been high, I think. Those crazy years when she was going through menopause and I was deep in pubescent angst were perhaps an exception. Mom dealt with severe migraines that would dominate her days and send her to bed to avoid light and noise. Before that time and ever since, she’s been full of joy.
One of my dear friends and I were discussing this topic last week and I’ve been ruminating on it ever since. I even did some internet research on the topic and found a website that discusses it here. According to changingminds.org, “A question…is whether it is possible to get any happier, or whether we are just stuck with the happiness we have been dealt and that some people will always be more naturally cheerful than others.”
As a mom with teenagers, I am hopeful this angst is truly a phase and my children will rebound to their more joyful set-point in adulthood. As a daughter whose mom is undergoing tremendous change, I know how blessed we are that Mom’s joy is still accessible. I know too many instances where the parent’s temperament changed and the caregiver had to deal with hateful language or physical abuse. Mom is still her sweet self, just more confused and delusional.
It makes me wonder about some others I know. You know them, too. They are the ones who cannot return a smile or be bothered with an embrace. We see them everywhere – out shopping, in business dealings, around our tables during the holidays, and even at church. Is their set-point so low that they are generally curmudgeons their whole lives? It seems to me that they are “happiest” when they are making others miserable. It’s tough to be around those people. They can bring down the joy level of a group in moments.
Those with a higher set-point are a delight. I like to surround myself with optimists and joyful people. Sure, they get tired and grumpy sometimes, but these people generally bounce right back. Simple gestures of kindness bring radiance to their faces. I feel so blessed to be around someone who feels the warmth of the sun and doesn’t complain about the cold in the wind.
I don’t think joyful people are oblivious to trouble or frustration. Perhaps their set-point simply lets them assess the situation to find a solution sooner than later. Although this time with Mom has been difficult, Dad’s set point must be pretty high, too. He is still able to find joy in this part of his journey. As a child who shares so much of the same personality as him, I am grateful. According to research, my temperament was shaped by my parents.
Today I am so grateful for uplifting, positive parents. During this tough season of life, they are still going strong with smiles on their faces. There is still joy. I am so proud of them.
