I consider myself a flexible person. No, not in the yoga or tai chi sort of way, but I can go with the flow of life pretty well. Since I have several different jobs and many differing responsibilities, being flexible is essential.
When I’m with Mom, that skill gets tested to the maximum. I think caregiving challenges all of us on many levels, whether we’re caring for a senior adult or a child. The only thing certain is that nothing is for certain. The schedule is never on schedule. I learned a long time ago the best use of Lamaze breathing is when plans get interrupted.
I’ve been spending more time with Mom since May when she broke her arm. Because she also quit walking independently, she lost strength in her legs and she cannot stand on her own. Although Mom is half the size she used to be, it still takes a lot of upper body strength and balance from a caregiver to lift her. With her added fear of falling, sometimes it is a struggle to help her stand. I am thankful for a wonderful lift chair, but that’s only half of the process. Sometimes she is able to help herself come to a stand; other times she’s terrified and fighting the caregiver who is trying to lift her. Being flexible and able to help her change direction in her mind is essential to getting through the hard lifts.
One day last week, she decided she wanted to walk to the front door. I was excited about the prospect because she hasn’t respond to our suggestions for walking. Once she was on her feet, she was ready to go for about 10 seconds. That was just enough time to get her to the hallway door. Once in the doorway, she wanted to return to her chair. There wasn’t enough room to turn her around so I cajoled her into walking the length of the hallway to the front door. She was very tired and unhappy and just wanted to sit down. I convinced her the best thing to do was to go back down the hall and get back in her chair. We did – with her crying and getting madder with each step. We finally made it back to her chair, and I tucked her in and rubbed her legs for a minute.
Lunch was next on the day’s agenda so I went to the kitchen to prepare something for her. Nothing was acceptable. She was still mad at me so I let her stew a bit. Next thing I know, she’s asleep, deeply asleep. There was no sense in waking her – so I waited nearby until she woke up several hours later. She was still not hungry and she was still mad at me for making her walk.
The “mothering” part of me wants her to eat and walk and get stronger. That’s what happens when you care for someone, right? I really have a difficult time being flexible with her. Dad is teaching me to be more flexible and patient about her eating and walking.
Okay, so I’m not as flexible as I thought I was, but I’m learning. Each day I’m learning a little bit more from Mom and from Dad. Here’s hoping they stick around long enough to teach me all I need to know.
