One of the sweetest things about a newborn child is those precious hands pulled tightly into fists. I would watch my babies for hours as they discovered their hands, learning to suck a thumb or their fascination with those waving appendages waving in front of their faces. I loved to hook my finger through their fat, soft fists and feel their grip.
As they grew older, that grip was used more often for toys and holding hands as they learned to walk. Even though my children are now adults, I still love to hold their hands.
I love to hold Mom’s hands, too. I’ve mentioned Mom’s hands before here. Lately, I’ve noticed them closing back into fists, and it’s harder and harder to keep them open.
Mom is completely dependent on her caregivers’ hands. Our hands feed and bathe her and tuck her covers around her. She rarely reaches for anything except to scratch an itch on her face. The concern with her fingers curling into fists is the difficulty of keeping her palms clean and her nails from becoming embedded into her palms.
Those nails have always been and continue to be strong and hard. As her “manicurist,” I have fought many battles trying to keep them clean and not so sharp. She can hold our forearms or hands as she walks and those nails dig deep. Unfortunately, her hands are super sensitive – all physical contact with her is sensitive – and holding her hands out to attend to one fingernail is difficult. Even the nail bed is extending from lack of use and trying to pull the pad back and out of the way is tricky.
Mom is very confused and frustrated when I try to care for her hands. She’ll stop me by saying, “Don’t do that! Don’t do that!” There are lots of exclamations of discomfort, too. I have to channel my inner stubbornness and stick to my guns, knowing it won’t be any easier later. The reward is knowing I have cared for her hands in the same way she once did for herself.
I remember all those years ago when I was little and had long hair – those painful sessions of her combing out tangles. She did it for me in spite of my protests; I can certainly care for her now. After all, I still can hold her hands.
