Last week, my sister, Carla, came for her longer summer visit. She was able to stay from Tuesday through Saturday and we spent some precious time together as sisters. She was also able to see a bit more of the day to day with Mom and get a better sense of where Mom is on her journey. I think it was hard for her.
Since I see Mom so often, it’s a bit like watching your children grow. It’s hard to notice the day to day changes, but a week or more away and some things become crystal clear. We keep a daily diary of Mom’s ups and downs which makes it easy to look back a month or 6 months to see the subtle changes in her care. Most days, I’m just focused on her care for that day and I rarely reflect on where we have been or speculate about the future.
This was Carla’s first visit since the first week of April. She tries to talk to Mom on Sundays, but it’s unusual for Mom to understand the concept of phones enough to communicate with Carla. Many Sundays, she doesn’t even get to hear Mom’s voice. When Carla first arrived, Mom didn’t talk much those first couple of days and it was hard for Carla to see Mom in that state.
Lately, Mom has become somewhat erratic in her movement. She has been sitting down before she reaches her chair or collapsing backwards instead of sitting. Although she’s lost a lot of weight, we caregivers have been startled by her sudden change in direction. Thankfully, we’ve only had close calls and near misses without any injury to Mom. Dad did get a pretty severe bruise and abrasion on his wrist last week while Carla was here.
Much of the time, I keep my worry to myself. Occasionally, I’ll discuss it with Carla over the phone, but she’s usually too far away to stress. Although I know she’d drop everything in a minute to come if I truly needed her, the daily worries are mine to bear alone. Having her here brought everything up – she lived the daily stress for five days, too. It was both easier and more difficult for me.
Alan, my oldest brother, came on Friday for a few hours. Mom really perked up for him – the best we’d seen her all week. They talked and sang and had a great visit. It is really amazing how she’ll liven back up when she has company. Visits do her so much good. She crashes afterwards, but it is great while it lasts!
I think Mom’s favorite visitor is Lolo. She is the younger sister of two of my piano students and she comes each week for an hour and plays with Mom. They had a tea party last week. Mom is so enamored with Lolo she dreams about her during the rest of the week. It’s so sweet. I think Carla even played tea party with them.
My hours are limited for visiting with other friends who are housebound, but I wish I had more time for them. If you have free time on your hands, I know a visit would be much appreciated.
