When we started down this road, we had no idea what was in store. It was so gradual that we didn’t know that a hard season was ahead. As Mom required more and more personal care, we realized that Dad was going to have to have more help. I was able to help some days but not nearly enough. We needed to connect with the right someone who could help.
Choosing a caregiver was tough. Allowing someone you don’t know to care for someone you love is a tricky business. There are wonderful agencies available with amazing staff, but we needed only a few hours here, another few hours there – not really on a schedule at first. Most agencies need a clearer schedule than that. We went on references from other folks but quickly found that Mom had strong opinions that we had to acknowledge. We thought people were wonderful caregivers, but for some reason unknown to us, Mom didn’t want them to come back. After much shuffling, we found Jean.
Jean is now like a part of our family. She has a beautiful, quiet spirit and Mom loves her, too. I am so very grateful that God brought her into our lives. She is very patient with Mom. She’ll fix ice cream for breakfast if that’s what Mom wants. She knows our family – siblings, spouses, grandchildren, great-grandchildren. When Mom gets confused about who’s who, Jean can gently prod her memory and remind her. When Mom is reluctant to get out of bed, Jean quietly studies her Bible or reads. She’s ready to assist but doesn’t hover. Mom doesn’t like to be hovered over.
In recent months, we’ve had our second season of assistance with home health. The best part of Tugaloo home health is that their employees are simply wonderful. They come in with energy and love and pour themselves into every moment with Mom. They don’t mind if they hear the same stories over and over. They are able to work with Mom in ways that amaze us. She follows their instructions almost always, even when they ask her to do things she doesn’t want to do. I love to watch how she brightens up when they came in.
C.C. helps Mom with her bath. She sings. She cajoles. She laughs. She uses the right towels. The right shampoo. Even though her own family requires her care after her work hours, she cares for Mom as if she has a bottomless pit of empathy and love. It’s amazing to me. If C.C. ever has a care in the world, you’d never know it. She is so good to Mom.
I think Mom has a bit of a crush on Gerald. It’s easy to see why. He treats her as if she was the queen. He laughs with her. He can get her to do her exercises as if it was a special gift she could give him. He never rushes her. He speaks only words of encouragement and love to her. She loves his smile and gets so excited when she hears him announce himself from the front door. Again, I don’t know how he does it, but he too seems to have a bottomless pit of energy and enthusiasm for Mom.
Maybe this has turned into a public service announcement for home health. It’s meant as an encouragement for those of you in caregiving situations. Although it may be hard to let someone in, reach out. There are folks who can help. There may be someone in your church or community who could give you a break for a bit. I know it’s risky. It was hard for us to admit we needed extra help. I don’t know that we were too proud, just too private. But it helps to share the burden. Isn’t that what a community does?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Donna Bunn James moved to Clarkesville, GA in middle school after her father retired from the Air Force. Years after college, she and her husband Michael returned to Habersham County to raise their three children here.
A professionally trained musician, Donna attended the prestigious North Carolina School of the Arts in Winston-Salem, NC and holds a Bachelor of Music in Voice Performance from Furman University in Greenville, SC and a Master of Arts in Teaching from Piedmont College in Demorest, GA.
She is a voice and piano teacher and sought-after accompanist. Donna also directs the Mountain Voices Community Chorus and the choir at First United Methodist Church in Cornelia. Amidst her many jobs she makes the time to care for her aging and ailing mother, Ruth.
If you are a caregiver and have a story to share or know of resources that might help other caregivers, please contact her at [email protected].
