With the return of Mom’s health and awareness lately, there has been a return of her confused questions. She’s planning to go home, insistently calling on us to take her there. Assuring that she is home only appeases her for a moment. If the caregivers won’t take her home, she’ll start calling for Dwight, Momma, Bean, Donna…anyone who can get her where she longs to go.
Dad is thrilled to have her back. When she’s joyful, she’ll sing and talk and smile. Yes, that part is lovely. The difficulty arises when she forgets her limitations – that arm is still broken and she can’t walk unassisted – and she tries to stand by herself. It’s scary.
I visited a friend on Friday who has a new baby, just one month old. She also has a toddler son, twenty months old. She’s reveling in motherhood and enjoying her babies so much. I loved being there because it felt much like my life after my second child was born. My first two children were also twenty months apart. It didn’t take long, however, for me to get worn out. I know why God gives babies to younger people! Her precious boy would begin calling for her the moment she sat down with the baby. He wanted her attention the whole time. Although he is very sweet to his baby sister, he still wanted mama all to himself.
That constant calling reminded me of the way Mom calls for us. She wants our attention, even if she doesn’t need anything. We can be just a few feet away from her in the kitchen and she’ll begin her roll call until someone responds to her. “Are you okay?”, we’ll ask. “Yes, I’m fine,” she’ll reply.
“Are you warm enough?”
“Yes.”
“Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“Thirsty?”
“No.”
After playing twenty questions, I’ll realize she just wants me sitting beside her, looking at her. I can’t be working on the computer or reading a book, I have to be focused on her.
God is using this season to teach me so many things. How many times have I prayed to God expecting an answer to a question, only to have my attention get sidetracked? At times, Mom is so fixated on getting a reply that she won’t let it go. “Where’s Daddy?” she’ll ask. “He’s gone to the post office (or bank or grocery store), but will be back soon.” A few minutes will pass, then she’ll try again. “Where’s Daddy?” There are times she cannot articulate her longing. Her concerned eyes will search from face to face until Dad comes into view.
Oh, would I seek God’s face and long to hear His voice so intently. As I focus on Mom, I stop everything and watch her every movement. She studies me the same way, often complimenting me on my hair or dress. We are so aware of each other that the rest of the world fades away for a time.
Calling on Him, I need to look at God the same way.
