Autumn is Mom’s favorite time to be outside because she loves to look at the leaves. I have many wonderful memories of walking in the woods with her. In recent years, it was more likely that we would take a drive through the mountains in order to enjoy the fall color.
Fall, however, has become a melancholy season to me lately. I’m too aware of what the trees sacrifice to bring the colors out. They use sunlight, water, and carbon dioxide build a strong, successful tree with green leaves which are full of the pigment chlorophyll. Autumn is a preparation for the stress of winter. The trees recognize the shorter days and cooler temperatures and reabsorb useful nutrients into the twigs and get rid of the useless leaves.
I’ve recently read about new theories that suspect the bright colors left behind after the tree reprocesses chlorophyll are signals to insects to warn against dangerous trees for egg laying. The trees with yellow leaves are unfriendly; the reds are friendly. The sunset maples are her favorite and a safe place for insects. Mom would find this fascinating if she could still understand it.
She doesn’t understand. In fact, she doesn’t know that the leaves are changing or that it’s autumn. Dad and I are hoping to take her out for a drive to enjoy the leaves later this week, but we’re not sure we can do it. It’s been months since she left the house. Her most ambitious adventures have been to join us for dinner in the dining room. It’s very stressful for her to move and be transferred. We hope the stress of taking her out for a drive will be worth it.
In terms of her life’s seasons, Mom’s colors are fading. At a funeral many years ago, I heard a woman’s life described as a sheltering tree and I love the metaphor. Mom grew strong and tall and gave life and air to her four children. She protected us and strengthened us. As she fades into the winter of her years, we know there is a glorious spring awakening just beyond. The changing of the season is still difficult.
Just as the trees are releasing their leaves, I am trying daily to release Mom to God. Her days have always been determined by Him. Although I know that, I still cling to her and find myself holding on to her emotionally. I know I am so blessed to have had her in my life for over fifty years. Every day we are together is a gift. Although she’s my mother, she is God’s child and she belonged to Him first. As hard as it is, I’ll enjoy the colors she has left and love her through the difficult season to come.
