Today I’m tired, my head hurts, and I’m ready to give up. Last week, I talked about transitions and storms and today I feel like I’m drowning. Have you ever felt that way? I feel like every depressing adjective currently describes me: sad, dejected, dismal, crummy, downcast, hurting, burdened, morose… and I could go on and on.
I look at this precious woman beside me and wonder what the future holds. I know this disease too well to be optimistic. Some days are just exhausting, not because of her or anything she’s doing, but because dementia is so awful and unrelenting. There are days of clarity which bring joy and hope followed by thick fog.
Mom’s greeting to me was, “Oh, there’s my friend.” Dad was walking with her and said, “That’s your daughter, Donna. Remember your daughter, Donna?” There was no response. I tried to lighten the mood by insisting that I was her friend and her daughter, but she looked right through me.
This isn’t the first time she hasn’t known me. We’ve certainly been through times where she didn’t recognize anyone except Dad. For some reason today, it took every bit of wind out of my sails.
For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! (2 Corinthians 4:17)
I’m really longing for home. Right now, my present troubles don’t feel small! I’m just so homesick. I’m ready for no more tears and no more pain. I know there is a glory that will last forever “for I am dwelling in Beulah Land.” However, it must not be time for that for me yet.
On Tuesday, January 13, a devotional came to my inbox from Crosswalk Daily Devotions. I saved it for a day when I needed it, and today is that day. It was written by Rick Warren and called, “It’s Always too Soon to Quit.”
God is more interested in what you’re becoming than in what’s happening to you. He often allows trials, troubles, tribulations, and problems in your life to teach you diligence, determination, and character. The problem you’re going through right now? It’s a test of your faithfulness. Will you continue to serve God even when life is tough?
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9 NIV).
For the full devotion, click here.
I am weary, bone-tired weary, and it’s okay to rest and recharge. However, giving up is not an option. God is using this season to teach me important things, and I will continue to serve God, no matter my circumstances or present troubles.
Note to self (and all others who are currently feeling tired, too): Hang in there.
