With caregiving, it’s easy to lose track of time. The calendar and the clock are abstract ideas when you are involved with caring for another human. I think most of us get lost in time when we don’t have a specific schedule to keep us on track.
When my children were small, I had difficulty keeping track of the days. Without activities outside of the home, feeding and diapers and laundry all morphed into a monotonous drone of one day blurring into the next. I loved having my piano students and church job to keep me locked into a weekly schedule.
When I am at Mom’s, the hours pass so slowly. I have several things I can do to stay busy while she rests, but time still seems to stand still. It’s always amazing to me how my perception of time and energy and enthusiasm changes when I come into the house. Maybe it’s because the house is surrounded by huge trees and there’s a limited amount of natural light.
Today I’m more restless than usual and so is Mom. It might be because we have storms coming in this afternoon. Although Mom’s pretty much chair bound and she doesn’t get outside to notice the weather, it still affects her mood. Today she’s saying she feels sick – although she can’t tell me what feels sick. She just wants to rest and she wants me to sit next to her to hold her hand.
The calendar and time don’t hold any meaning for Mom now. She doesn’t have deadlines or schedules to keep. Her days are eating and sleeping and occasional visitors and time with Dad and caregivers. Each day around 1:00 is the treatment for her arm but, before and after that time, her day is a seamless flow of mostly quiet. Tuesdays are a favorite day because her “boyfriend” (nurse) Matthew comes to visit. I don’t know that she really notices the caregiver shift changes except that one person who loves her leaves and another person who loves her comes.
This part is very different than caring for a small child. A small child is constant activity until nap or bedtime. I’m not sure they recognize the passing of hours or days either. No calendar of events to coordinate, no responsibilities that have to be done at a certain time. They begin to recognize, however, that morning comes with the sun and bedtime comes as the sun sets. They learn winter when it’s cold and summer when it’s hot. Mom doesn’t know day or night, winter or summer.
As long as she has a companion and is warm and clean, Mom is okay. I doubt she misses the calendar or keeping track with time with clocks and watches. Much like an infant, she has become completely dependent on others for all her care. So it’s up to me to relax and let go of the confines of time to just breathe and be. I need to learn to quit caring so much about the speed of the rest of the world. For the time that I’m with her, time doesn’t matter.
I’m not tearing up my calendar yet, but I’m trying to turn it loose just a bit. Life is too short and my time with Mom is too precious to be preoccupied with things that really don’t matter.
