Friendships are a wonderful gift. As we travel this earth, we are so blessed to find people along the journey who we call “friends”. Some friends are inseparable, but most of us find an easy ebb and flow of time and space with our friends.
In so many ways, Mom was my first friend. Although I know my brothers and sister and Dad have always loved me, Mom always loved me first, without exception. The hardest thing for me about her dementia was losing that friend. Not that she’s really gone all the time, but we certainly had to shift our expectations of each other.
I’ll never forget what that day felt like. The day when we switched places. The day when I became the guide and she became the guided.
It was a difficult, emotional day. She needed to lean on me – and I had become so used to having her to lean on. God in His amazing Providence had provided opportunities for me to care for others during my adult life. I had worked at an extended care facility, an Alzheimer’s day care, as an in-home caregiver for adults newly home from surgeries or at the end of their lives. I had held many hands, prayed many prayers, and cried many tears. But it was nothing like the day I realized I was going to care for Mom the rest of our life together.
Please don’t misunderstand. I have been grateful that God has given us these years together. I have had a rare privilege of watching my father living out the “in sickness and in health” vow he made to Mom 64 years ago. I have seen how patience is developed with practice. There have been so many blessings in disguise.
Mom has always had this generosity of spirit that has allowed her to make friends everywhere she goes. As a teenager in line with her at the grocery, it was annoying – even embarrassing. But thankfully now that spirit is still in her. Even as the memories of her friends faded, it didn’t matter. Each person she met was another opportunity to make a new friend, even if they had already been friends for over 30 years. Every time we go out, she meets new friends. No one is a stranger to her and few pass by her without her speaking a word of encouragement to them. She is one of the kindest people I know.
I have been blessed by my friends during this season of caregiving. They have lifted me up in prayer and encouraged me with their words and their hugs and their care of me. I often wonder about others in quiet houses, dutifully caring for a parent or spouse or loved one. What if there was a way for us to reach each other and penetrate the silence and loneliness that comes with caregiving. Although we may never meet in person, we can meet here. I’d love to be your friend.
If you would like to share your story of caregiving or words of encouragement please contact [email protected].
