My oldest brother was here today. Alan lives in Greenville, South Carolina and often meets Dad for fishing at Lake Hartwell on Mondays. Today they met for breakfast and Alan came out to the house for the remainder of the morning. After getting Mom settled on the porch, Alan visited her while she ate breakfast.
It was a good day for him to be here. Mom did well at breakfast, but she struggled with her vitamins and her mood disintegrated. It was such a beautiful day that we thought it would be good for Mom to go outside. Alan got the ramps from under the house and took her to the front sidewalk. She was already mad about the pills, but the bumping really upset her. Alan was very patient and brought her back inside almost immediately.
He was able to distract her with stories of his family and showed her pictures of his recent trip to Rome and family pictures. She didn’t recognize everybody, but she was sure that she had met them before. She had gone to Rome many years ago so he reminded her of the different landmarks they had visited. She was still grumpy but managed to be pleasant when she saw Elizabeth’s videos. At 8 months, her great-granddaughter is so adorable that it would be hard to stay unhappy.
They had a good visit, I think. Alan reintroduced everyone to her via photographs and she really enjoyed him. He eventually had her back in good spirits. After I moved her back into her lift chair from her wheelchair, she started relaxing and eventually dozed off. When she woke, Alan took the moment to hug and kiss her before he left.
He was only just out the door when she asked me who that sweet man was and if I knew him well. When I told her that I did and that he was my brother, she exclaimed “I didn’t know you had a brother! Well, he’s a very nice man.”
We all knew this day would come. It’s been sneaking up on us for a while now. It’s still hard. The person who brought you into this world, bathed and nurtured you no longer knows who you are. In front of Mom, I teased her that she didn’t recognize Alan because he’s gotten so old. Grey hair is hardly how one thinks of a child. I referred to him as “your little boy” to Mom. She does talk about him often as if he is still 12 or 13. Today she thought his wife was lovely and he had good-looking children. Isn’t he blessed to have two beautiful grandchildren.
Somehow the man in front of her is different than her Alan. She cannot make the two coexist. Thankfully she is quite pleasant to everyone (unless she’s being made to do something she doesn’t want to do like eat or take her vitamins). I am different than her Donna on most days, too. She’ll tell me “Donna did this” and I’ll just nod and agree that I know her Donna, too.
I hope we’ll get her back somewhat after this arm crisis is over. I hope that she’ll walk again and some of the fog in her mind will clear so patches of clarity come back. My dreams of the future include fun dinners and sweet stories with Mom. Today they may feel like unlikely distant events, but I am still hopeful. For today, it was enough to watch Alan connect with Mom and have him appreciate the day-to-day struggles we’re facing right now.
So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it’s own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matt. 6:34
