I’ve had a difficult last few months and have learned some tough lessons about loneliness. We all walk through tough times; my situation is not unique although it is new to me. As a result of trouble, we often find ourselves alone and lonely.
The Bible is full of people who suffered deeply from loneliness. Jeremiah, Job, and even Jesus have recorded stories of lamentations and sorrow.
King David was a man of great loneliness. Although scripture names him as “the man after God’s own heart” in I Samuel 13:14, he was a great sinner and failed so many of the tasks which were assigned to him. David wrote many of the Psalms, and these verses can give us great comfort in our loneliness. One great example is Psalm 25:16-21.
Psalm 25:16-21 New International Version (NIV)
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish.
18 Look on my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
19 See how numerous are my enemies
and how fiercely they hate me!
20 Guard my life and rescue me;
do not let me be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope, Lord, is in you.
Being alone is not the same as being lonely. I can be perfectly content while by myself and achingly alone in a room full of people. Loneliness is a state of mind where I feel separated from other people. I feel empty, isolated, or excluded and that has little to do with how many people are nearby.
All of us feel this way to a greater or lesser extent at some point and the statistics aren’t good for those who suffer from ongoing loneliness. According to an article in AARP magazine, loneliness can be a killer. An array of studies have found that it leaves us more likely to die from heart disease and is a contributing factor in other fatal conditions. It makes us more vulnerable to Alzheimer’s disease, high blood pressure, suicide, even the common cold. It is more dangerous to our health, researchers tell us, than obesity, and it’s the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
The Bible tells us we are never alone so why should we feel lonely? God reassures us over and over again with promises like Deut.31:6:
Deuteronomy 31:6 The Message (MSG)
6 “Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.”
So why do we feel lonely? Sometimes, we simply feel left out. Other times, the loneliness can be overwhelming and can cause us to withdraw and not react. We can feel weak and out-of-control – even embarrassed so we keep to ourselves and make the feelings worse.
Science has discovered that loneliness causes inflammation in the brain. The inflammation then causes suspicion and other negative feelings to magnify. The more lonely I get, the more I tend to isolate myself from others.
When I’m lonely, when I cannot see through the blinding, debilitating emotion that locks me away from friends, family, and even God, I need a simple plan. We’ll talk more about that next week.
If you would like to contact me about loneliness or caregiving, email me at [email protected].
