We all learn early that passing blame is often easier than admitting error. As kids, we go to great lengths to avoid time-outs, lectures, and restrictions. I’ve often wondered if we’re born predisposed to this behavior, a sort of ‘blame game gene’ that makes it easier for us to shift responsibility onto others.
My youngest child was a toddler when his grandad kept him one morning while the girls and I went shopping. His paternal grandfather was a gem of a guy who would do anything for his grandchildren. I wasn’t concerned at all that he would allow a two-year-old to escape or outwit him.
For some unknown reason, Grandaddy decided to tackle the challenge of potty-training his bright, chatty grandson in under two hours.
When we returned home, my son was happily playing with his truck while his not-so-bright grandfather lay on the sofa, red-faced and silent.
“What’s wrong?” I questioned my father-in-law, knowing something unpleasant had occurred.
He began, “Well, I decided to help you by training YOUR son how to use the bathroom. I put his little potty chair next to the tub, and he complied by sitting down.”
The bathroom was the only one in the house and was about as small as today’s powder rooms. Spending any length of time there could affect one’s mind and comfort.
Granddad continued, “YOUR son is a talker! I could only understand some of his words. When he continued his non-stop jabbering, I decided to try something else. I gathered some books and got his truck as he continued to sit in his potty chair. I realized we had been in the bathroom quite a while, but I wasn’t giving up!”
“When the phone rang, I ran to the hall to answer. YOUR son (I realized he was no longer claiming him as kin) still sat on his throne, talking to himself with a book in hand.”
“After ending the call, I walked back into the chamber where YOUR son had pulled up his training pants and completed his job right in his underwear!”
Frustrated, I told him, “Son, why did you do that when we sat in the bathroom for an hour!”
“YOUR son then replied in a language I understood, “I didn’t do it; Haytur (correct pronunciation: Heather) did it! It’s not my fault!”
Heather is my son’s older sister, who just happened to be with me while he was on the potty throne with Grandad.
Yes, MY son had outwitted his good gem of a granddaddy. At least my toddler didn’t escape.
That’s why I know the blame game is with us at birth. It’s like diaper rash; it doesn’t go away without treatment.
As children, we often blame our siblings, teachers, or friends for our misdeeds. It just seems more comfortable than saying, “I am wrong, or I am sorry.” But in the end, personal accountability is inevitable; all will eventually atone for our sins.
Many grown-ups still pass blame and never admit fault. Either by omission or downright lying, they appear to still be sitting on a potty throne, unwilling to grow up.
I asked a psychiatrist once, “Why do some adults never accept even partial blame for another’s suffering when they clearly were a participant in inducing pain.”
The doctor replied, “Some individuals will eventually take responsibility for their actions, while others refuse to do so. Those who never do continue to evade blame and become increasingly cold-hearted and selfish as they age.”
Someone who never admits their mistakes is like someone sitting on a potty throne. They often act as bullies in life, committing wrongdoings while blaming others. Although they may have aged, they have not necessarily gained wisdom. However, there is hope in the journey of personal growth, and it’s never too late to start.
Are we turning into a nation of toddlers? We often don’t accomplish anything because we are too busy pointing fingers at one another. “It’s not my fault!” has become an anthem in America, echoed by criminals, politicians, corporate leaders, students, and people of all races and creeds. This behavior has created a deep divide that may be impossible to overcome.
And what will we do when that happens? We will probably yell, “God, why did YOU do this?” He replies, “Well, It’s certainly not my fault!”
How much harm do we inflict when we pass our mistakes onto others? We can significantly improve our world by transforming our pointing fingers into helpful, united hands and finally maturing.
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” — 1 Corinthians 13:11
