It’s 3:15am, and he is unaware that I cannot close my eyes because if I do I can no longer see his face. I wish I could cradle him in my arms and tell him everything is going to be good; but, he no longer fits in my lap, and I no longer have the ability to fix his world.
Life has a way of knocking the breath out of me just when I think I’m breathing good. So many of you know exactly how I feel.
My son Ben was on a porch 20 plus feet above the ground when it collapsed. Miraculously, he hit the cement below feet first because any other way would have been fatal. The orthopedist described the condition of the bones in his lower legs and feet as someone taking a sledge hammer to saltine crackers. After seven hours of surgery, he opened his eyes.
Someone asked me, “Where was God? Why would He let something like this happen?”
God was there when the railing gave way. He flipped my son and gave us the opportunity to see him on his 24th birthday – today. God positioned his friends to be with him; He provided the right EMT’s to administer the care which got him to the hospital. From the doctors to the nurses – all handpicked by God, for after all, He is in control.
God is in the Columbus community, in the blankets and pillows which arrived for us; in the biscuit and gravy dish from a guy named “Sunshine;” in the face wash and toothbrush from Stephanie and Shelly; the sweet friends who Googled ‘What do vegan’s eat?’ and brought dinner for Dory; in the Chromecast brought up by buddies of Ben so he can watch his movies. In the Subway sandwiches and McGriddle biscuits – the Nerf gun, the sweet words, the hugs, I see my God.
God is in Ben’s siblings who will not leave his side. God is in texts with encouragement. He is in phone calls, emoji symbols, Facebook posts, and voice messages. God was in the Chapel with me when Ben’s best friend since childhood came and prayed with me. God is in my future son-in-law who loves Ben like a brother.
God knows every pain, every tear, every fear, every wish, every heartbreak…for He loves my son more than I could ever imagine, with a depth I cannot understand.
And even in all the brokenness, He is making something really beautiful.
Thank you to all who have been an instrument of God.
