It can be the least wonderful time of the year. And for some, the anxiety of facing the holidays this year seems unnavigable.
Sadness is tough to handle
I worked in an office setting many years ago. An elderly lady came in monthly to make a payment and no matter what we did, no one could make her smile. It actually became an office challenge. Her lips were pursed in a forever frown, brow squinched, eyes dull and lifeless. She said very few words and what she did say made even the most positive of people feel gloomy.
One day after my lunch hour during the Christmas holiday season, I saw her car pull into the parking lot. What was it that made her so disgruntled and difficult to be around? As we walked into the building together, I opened the door for her, offering a smile, which she glared back at me defiantly.
“Merry Christmas!” I mumbled, fearful of the impending remark.
She turned toward me. “Do you think I don’t know every time I walk in that office you people have some sort of contest to see if I will smile?”
Dumbfounded, I looked away. “We just would like to make you happy,” I covered.
“20 years ago I lost my husband and 2 children on Christmas Eve. A car accident. It is the worst time of the year.”
My heart sank. I could only imagine how difficult life was for her.
Pain hits during the holidays
There are many people who find themselves in a pattern of pain during the holidays – and for good reasons. Maybe you are one of them. Grief is complicated. It has no set pattern and comes in and out of our lives when it sees fit. My grandmother used to say, after the death of her son, the holidays are like an ocean. Sometimes the waters are calm, peaceful and resolved. Sometimes the waters are like a raging storm, waves coming from out of nowhere. As unpredictable as the ocean, so too are our feelings.
“What do you do?” I asked her.
“You learn to swim really well,” she answered.
Ways to cope
Here are some suggestions to guide you through the holidays into the new year.
- Loneliness. Many people are alone during the holidays – by choice or through life’s unfortunate events. There are ways to combat it. Organizations have dinners for those who will not have a family to share the day with. Sign up and go. The atmosphere might help find a place to belong and there are opportunities to meet people who share similar emotions.
- Set Boundaries. You can choose what you want to do and what you don’t want to do. Pressure comes from many different places but you don’t have to succumb to it. Decide what you feel comfortable doing and what will cause you anguish.
- Talk about the Memories. Somehow include the loss. When a loved one is gone whether it be from divorce, death, or distance, incorporate a way to remember the good times. Take the time to journal or look at old pictures. Our lives reflect moments of time, no moment is meant to last forever except in our hearts.
- Create new traditions. Do something different. Offer your service whether it be for the elderly, for children, or for those who are alone or grieving, helping others actually helps us more.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you are struggling to cope, there are many health professionals who can give you advice and coping mechanisms to make the holidays more bearable.
I often tell myself, “I am stronger than I know.” It is true. And the more you tell yourself those six words, the more you will understand how true it is. Living your best life is possible even when it seems the most impossible.
