Loretta Dalton is a life-long resident of Habersham County and a teacher in the public school system. She and her husband Anthony live in Baldwin. The Dalton’s son Jonathan committed suicide when he was 18. Dalton says her son struggled with anxiety and became addicted to painkillers before to his death. Although he was never formally diagnosed she says, “I believe that he was suffering from depression and addiction and life seemed hopeless to him.” She says the last six months of his life “were very difficult.” Dalton shares her story here in the hope that other families facing similar circumstances might be helped. What you are about to read is a mother’s heart.
The day brought heat that was almost unbearable. I awoke from a restless night of wondering when the journey would end; wondering if life, as I once knew, would ever be again.
And, then it came.
The single ring of the doorbell brought news that would change my family forever. The two strangers said something about apparent suicide. Did I hear them correctly? Was he really gone? Had all of my prayers gone unheard? Did God forsake me? Had He not heard the countless times I had cried out to Him to deliver my son?
The strangers continued to talk as I stood in the doorway of my home; a home where love was abundant; a home where the children were taken to Sunday School and taught to love Jesus; a home where Christian parents struggled daily to counteract the evils of the world and keep their children safe. A home that is now empty: one child happily married, successful and thriving and the other dead, apparently from his own hand.
As one of the strangers delicately presented the details of the tragedy, I stood silent. The fear and anxiety of the previous months suddenly disappeared and a feeling of peace engulfed me. Was I in shock? How could I hear these words of destruction and feel peace? Was it the presence of God or had the stress overtaken my mind? Had God chosen to show up now after my life was in ruins? Had He been with me all along? Had He healed my son? Had He answered my prayers?
As the days turned to weeks, months and years, feelings of sorrow, regret and fear have eroded those intense feelings of peace. Feelings of failure often creep into my mind and attempt to cloud my view of God’s plan. I often let the judgmental words of others momentarily dull the peace. But, it never completely goes away.
God’s peace and love are present among my ruins.
The home that once seemed so empty is full of God’s blessings: a loving husband of twenty-nine years who shares my joy and sorrows as we live a life that neither of us would have planned, a beautiful new grandson that has brought life back into our world and a precious daughter and son-in-law who remind us that there is still much life to live.
Would I have chosen this journey? Absolutely not! Do I feel God working and bringing good in all circumstances even among the ruins? Praise the Lord, yes!
