Well, folks, this is the beginning of our holidays. Diets fly out the window this week, and Santa soon flies in on a sleigh. The children become a little wilder these days, and parents are slightly more frazzled. Our busyness takes on another layer of hustle and bustle, and people either desire the hoopla to be over or wish for it to last longer.
You cannot give me enough of this time of year. Before July ends, I plan for the November and December days of cheer.
This week, many of us will gather around tables in homes across America. On Thanksgiving Thursday, some will host a crowd, others will entertain a few, and too many will be alone. However, no matter our circumstances, there isn’t one of us who can’t find something to be thankful for.
God is always at our table, and so are the memories. I remember my brother, at age 12, being thankful for only the mashed potatoes because turkey, green beans, and yams were not welcome on his plate. I recall how Mom fussed at Dad for sneaking into the kitchen to steal bites before dinner. I think of my grandmother, who couldn’t prepare enough food or wear too many aprons to do so.
These memories, like the warmth of a winter cloak, never fade.
As a child, I listened to the family’s tales and recalled the laughter around our Thanksgiving table. But it’s only now, 60 years later, that I truly appreciate the value of those old stories. They’ve become as precious as the mashed potatoes Mom perfected for my brother, a testament to the enduring power of cherished memories.
They and many who once were here during this joyful season now celebrate in Heaven while God still sits at my table. And that is the beauty of Thanksgiving.
Through all the trials and tribulations of life, the Lord never leaves, never wavers in His never-ending abundant love. It was God who gave me the strength to endure the loss of my family and the memory to keep them close forever. And God will take me home one day to share eternal life with them again.
This is the time to let go of anger, put aside politics, and instead focus on the many blessings in our lives. Let’s be more thankful for the family around us today and those who gave us the stories to carry on. Even when tears fall as we recall lost loved ones, we can be thankful for the time we had with them. If we are loved and we still love others, we are truly blessed. Gratitude mixed with love is the key to a fulfilling life.
My granddaughter is in college. Last year, she was required to write a short story about a meaningful and personal subject to her. She often sends her essays to me to review and edit any mistakes.
My heart leaped with her opening paragraphs when I began reading her narrative.
She began, “The refreshing cold air, the smell of pine, and the sounds of Christmas Carols are when my inner child returns.
The holidays are a cherished time in my family. Despite our scattered residences, we all converge at the table on Christmas night. The spread, featuring our signature beef tenderloin, various sides, and delectable desserts, is a feast we never miss, even if it means flying to Grandma’s house in Georgia.
My grandmother takes December 25 very seriously, and I inherited her holiday jolliness. She believes in the spirit of Christmas and will never admit Santa isn’t real. At 19, my gifts will still say ‘from Santa’ on the tags.”
Avery’s story continued, but I was excited to discover that she would carry the Christmas crown into the future. Like a torch passed from one generation to the next, she will continue the tradition of believing in the magic of Christmas, just as I did, and she will never tell her children there is no Santa.
This time of year is when memories are made, traditions are reinforced, and faith is renewed. It is a time to shed discord, stop the battles, and enjoy the cold air, the smell of pine, and the family surrounding you.
These days, we are reminded to be thankful and celebrate the Lord’s birth by spreading cheer and kindness, just as He did during His time on Earth. The holiday season should never end because it is in thankfulness and giving that we find peace.
So, let’s dust off our sadness, clean our hearts, and enjoy the inner kid buried in our souls, for it is God who gave us the child to help us do so.
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Lynn Walker Gendusa is a Georgia author and columnist. Her latest book, “Southern Comfort: Stories of Family, Friendship, Fiery Trials, and Faith,” is available on Amazon. She can be reached at www.lynngendusa.com. For more inspiring stories, click here.
So you’re gathering with relatives whose politics are different. Here are some tips for the holidays
NEW YORK (AP) — There’s no place like home for the holidays. And that may not necessarily be a good thing.
In the wake of the very contentious and divisive 2024 presidential election, the upcoming celebration of Thanksgiving and the ramp-up of the winter holiday season could be a boon for some — a respite from the events of the larger world in the gathering of family and loved ones. Hours and even days spent with people who have played the largest roles in our lives. Another chapter in a lifetime of memories.
That’s one scenario.
For others, that same period — particularly because of the polarizing presidential campaign — is something to dread. There is the likelihood of disagreements, harsh words, hurt feelings and raised voices looming large.
Those who make a study of people and their relationships to each other in an increasingly complex 21st-century say there are choices that those with potentially fraught personal situations can make — things to do and things to avoid — that could help them and their families get through this time with a minimum of open conflict and a chance at getting to the point of the holidays in the first place.
DO assess honestly where you are with it all
For those who feel strongly about the election’s outcome, and know that the people they would be spending the holiday feel just as strongly in the other direction, take the time to honestly assess if you’re ready to spend time together in THIS moment, barely a few weeks after Election Day — and a time when feelings are still running high.
The answer might be that you’re not, and it might be better to take a temporary break, says Justin Jones-Fosu, author of “I Respectfully Disagree: How to Have Difficult Conversations in a Divided World.”
“You have to assess your own readiness,” he says, “Each person is going be very different in this.”
He emphasizes that it’s not about taking a permanent step back. “Right now is that moment that we’re talking about because it’s still so fresh. Christmas may be different.”
DON’T miss the bigger picture of what the holiday is all about
Keep focused on why you decided to go in the first place, Jones-Fosu says. Maybe it’s because there’s a relative there you don’t get to see often, or a loved one is getting up in age, or your kids want to see their cousins. Keeping that reason in mind could help you get through the time.
DO set boundaries
If you decide getting together is the way to go, but you know politics is still a dicey subject, set a goal of making the holiday a politics-free zone and stick with it, says Karl Pillemer, a professor at Cornell University whose work includes research on family estrangement.
“Will a political conversation change anyone’s mind?” he says. “If there is no possibility of changing anyone’s mind, then create a demilitarized zone and don’t talk about it.”
DON’T take the bait
Let’s be honest. Sometimes, despite best efforts and intentions to keep the holiday gathering politics- and drama-free, there’s someone who’s got something to say and is going to say it.
In that case, avoid getting drawn into it, says Tracy Hutchinson, a professor in the graduate clinical mental health counseling program at the College of William & Mary in Virginia.
“Not to take the hook is one of the most important things, and it is challenging,” she says. After all, you don’t have to go to every argument you’re invited to.
DO think about what will happen after the holiday
If you risk getting caught up in the moment, consider engaging in what Pillemer calls “forward mapping.” This involves thinking medium and long term rather than just about right now — strategy rather than tactics. Maybe imagine yourself six months from now looking back on the dinner and thinking about the memories you’d want to have.
“Think about how you would like to remember this holiday,” he says. “Do you want to remember it with your brother and sister-in-law storming out and going home because you’ve had a two-hour argument?”
DON’T feel you have to be there uninterrupted
Things getting intense? Defuse the situation. Walk away. And it doesn’t have to be in a huff. Sometimes a calm and collected time out is just what you — and the family — might need.
Says Hutchinson: “If they do start to do something like that, you could say, `I’ve got to make this phone call. I’ve got to go to the bathroom. I’m going to take a walk around the block.'”