As a student of mental health and observer of pain, one of the most profound things I’ve learned is that platitudes aren’t helpful. You know, those things we say to fill the empty space when something unspeakable happens.
Many of the people I meet are at the nexus of their most devastating moments. As humans, we have a variety of reactions when someone is struggling in this way, depending upon how God has gifted us. Some of us run the complete opposite direction out of pure discomfort. The majority of us feel pressured to utter something, anything, that can convey we care. For as well-intentioned as we are, statements such as ‘God will never give you more than you can handle’ or ‘you’ll get through this one day at a time’ are more fuel for continued suffering than comfort.
Recently, I was with a family experiencing one of these life changing situations, and I felt that urge. Say something, Elle. Help them, somehow, to know that God is here. The thought echoed over and over in my mind as I searched for the words; but, in the end, I had no words that would suit. Instead, I remembered. Be still.
So we sat, together, silent and still.
After some time, the father of the young woman I had come to pray for asked me a simple and direct question. He was too distraught to mince words.
“When this happened to your family, did you want to give up?”
I paused. Should I say what I believe will produce hopefulness? What scripture have I filed away that can help in this moment? Or, do I just tell him the truth? I opted for truth.
“Yes.”
That affirmation hung in the air for what seemed like hours. An odd energy filled the room.
“Can you tell me why you didn’t?” he asked.
My heart poured open a river of soothing testimony and reassurance. I told the whole truth: my doubts, the complications along the way, what amazing things God had done, how it wasn’t a perfect road, and that it was still a work in progress.
His eyes filled with tears.
What we most want in our suffering is to be heard and understood, to know we aren’t alone, and to not be judged for our desperation or expected to ‘buck up’. We need authenticity, truth, and realness because God is all of those things. And as Christians, one of the best and most helpful gifts He ever gave us for moments like this is each other.
God never, ever wastes our pain.
My hope for all of us is to realize that we were built for fellowship. We don’t have to pressure ourselves to come up with the answers, all we need to do is be present for one another. Whatever God calls us to do in the service of others will be self-evident in the moment it’s needed, so long as we relinquish our control and simply – be still.
