I’m fine… but I’m really not fine.
Those were the words that flowed through my head in response to my friend’s question, “What’s wrong? Are you upset with me?”
“I’m fine,” I responded with a smile, but my head echoed, “…but I’m really not fine. You’ve said hurtful things. I’m having a difficult time with you.”
“Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” – Ephesians 4:3
But in keeping peace, I’m not being truthful and my insides hurt.
“Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.” Proverbs 12:19.
A Peaceful Lie…what an oxymoron. You know like “original copies,” “alone together,” “larger half,” – you get what I’m talking about.
Most of us spend our lives doing just that – making oxymorons of our actions. While I did not want conflict with my friend, I couldn’t lie about my feelings. And so I faced her, rather perplexed. How do we speak truths without causing conflict? How do we keep peace when our emotions are anything but peaceful?
I needed truth that does not cause conflict and is delivered in a Godly manner. The steps played over and over in my mind as I stood dazed before her. Truth that does not cause conflict and is delivered in a Godly manner.
Have you ever been there? Most of us have. Some of us have failed at it miserably. Some of us have done well.
I silently prayed for wisdom, for integrity of the heart, for courage. I silently prayed to see my fault in this situation. To understand what I have done to contribute to the moment I now faced. I felt God leading me to respond, “Can I talk with you about it tomorrow?”
On the way home, I played the scenario in my mind. She said. I said. She said. I said. This is the filter with which she sees things. This is mine.
By the time I pulled in my driveway, my vision no longer seem as blurred but more focused. There were aspects of what my friend said to me which were true and factors that weren’t true; but, I could see how she may have come to those conclusions. I was reminded of a story I once heard. Two ladies were sitting on a passenger train. One wanted the window lowered because she felt she would die of a heatstroke. The other wanted the window to remain up because the air from the rapidly moving train would cause her to die of pneumonia. The conductor was called to resolve the conflict. Exasperated by the angry, bickering women, he threw his arms up unable to negotiate a solution. A gentleman passenger overhearing the argument responded. “It’s simple really. First, open the window. That will kill the one. Close the window. That will kill the other. And we’re all left in peace.”
God calls us to determine first our part in the conflict. He calls us to seek His wisdom through scripture. Then, we must confront our offender in a Godly, truthful manner. And as much as it is up to us, live in peace. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18.
There is nothing easy about it. The reality of God toward us is the intent and integrity of our heart. When we have done all that we can honestly do, God will handle the rest.
Today, consider what your oxymorons are. Work to be truthful in all that you say and do. Maintain peace with those around you. And most importantly, seek the wisdom of God in all situations.
