I have been known to wander off on occasion. I started early too! As a very young child just learning how to walk, I wandered off near the Atlantic Ocean during our first family vacation. I confess no memory of the episode but I can imagine my parents thinking the worst, hoping for the best and seriously debating upon my location whether to hug or spank.
My roaming continued as a pre-teen when I would take to the woods hunting, exploring and generally wondering what was over the next hill. I was always back just in time for dinner except for that one time my cousin and I hid just as evening fell. Watching from our dew covered perch while our parents frantically searched for us seemed like a good idea at the time. A long overdue attitude adjustment applied to my rear caused some reconsideration.
While on school field trips I would often leave my classmates to observe people and happenings. Back in the day, it was considered educational for our elementary classes to attend the long defunct Southeastern Fair located at the old Lakewood Fairgrounds, near Atlanta, Georgia. I can imagine the angst of any teacher carrying 40 children to a location with incalculable distractions. On one such field trip I struck out alone to take advantage of the simulated parachute jump along with a fascinating observation of hogs and cattle on display by 4H Club members. I did join classmates for a few rides just to impress the girls that I was as brave as anyone else on the trip. Burned into my memory are the smells and sights of the midway, onions cooking on griddles, alluring cotton candy, fumes, incessant noise of the barkers hawking views of the monkey boy or bearded lady not to mention the hoochee-coochee shows where gawking boys were sure to find trouble.
During my high school years, I was known to exit campus for quick runs to the Dairy Queen. These trips could have caused immense difficulty if caught and with my Mom working for the school system, I had no place to hide. During those same years and while my parents and an aunt and uncle enjoyed a Caribbean cruise, I wandered off first to the local drag strip to test my uncle’s car. Following that episode a few friends joined me during school hours for a tour of downtown Atlanta. There we visited almost every car dealership we could find – window shopping for the perfect car we would someday own. Our tastes ranged from Ferraris to Firebirds. I have never owned either. At the time, I had never driven in downtown Atlanta and any rescue in the event of trouble was sailing in calm waters hundreds of miles away. We assumed the role of Ferris Beuller long before he existed.
My new bride found out about my wandering tendencies while traveling to Washington D.C. While visiting several Smithsonian facilities, I read almost every display and eventually succumbed to a history coma which means I was nowhere to be found. I’m glad she didn’t leave me although I’m sure the thought crossed her mind.
There have been more serious wanderings. I have left a successful law partnership because the Holy Spirit told me one morning to do so and to do so without hesitation. After enduring the Great Recession and many, many blessings, that wandering off is now known to have been good for all concerned. None of my former partners understood and I didn’t either at the time. I needed refreshing and my utter dependence upon the Lord did not allow options.
A little over four years ago I left the church which I had attended since childhood. Looking back, a trip to Israel just before the church departure had changed me. My faith had been strengthened but challenged too. Not everyone values or shares our individual spiritual wanderings and my old church was no exception. Honestly after feeling led to implement change that was God called and then being rejected not by the majority but by dissent, I felt immense pain, humiliation and confusion. During those times, one can either sit in self-pity or move on to what God has in store. His callings and our obedience will not be forgotten. The Lord called upon me to wander off with Him on an incredible and continuing spiritual journey of observation and learning about the state of faith in our community and our land. I have been admittedly confused on occasion and no doubt greatly blessed as my Companion on this journey created the universe. My Heavenly Father has encouraged and provided opportunity after opportunity to dig deeper into a well filled with Living Water.
Recently though, I have struggled with discouragement. I could blame a prolonged and very cold and dreary winter, but that is not the answer. The recent holidays passed too quickly. This was the last year my children would all awake on Christmas Morning in our home. My youngest will be married next May and while that is exciting and proper for a young man of his age and accomplishment, the fact that we would never experience family life in the same manner hung over me. A mixture of joy and a bit of sadness that things have changed is odd. I can’t wait for grandchildren and to see all that lies in the promise of my wonderful children and my soon to be extended family. Yet part of me wants to hold on to little guys I carried fishing or coached in baseball. I suspect I am holding on to my youth- a youth that no longer exists. In the bedlam of change, busy holidays and my reflection, somehow I seemed to have wandered off from my relationship with my Heavenly Father. While there, I wondered just what I have accomplished which then leads to questioning if I have been a total failure.
My clock is winding down and I know it. I also know most men struggle with this issue at one time or another but I questioned deeply whether my stewardship of time and blessings has been well spent. My spirit was low – I felt that I was the least of the least. In brokenness, God finds an immense workshop. As a result of our struggles we can be endowed with great strength and courage and mine arrived on a Sunday morning just before a lazy winter sunrise. For a few wonderful moments in the stillness of a new day, I poured my heart out to and praised my Heavenly Daddy one more time. His welcoming and warm arms took in this prodigal, lifting my spirits and helping in a time when I needed not only reassurance but the comfort of a good friend. In that precious moment I realized that if we don’t venture off on occasion, we lose track of the forgiveness and love that our Heavenly Father so freely shares. I wonder then if we are designed to wander on occasion, to explore, to learn, to grow, to fail, to aggravate, to agitate and to become all that much closer to our Creator. How remarkable it is that our omniscient Heavenly Father has only one need. He needs a relationship with us. We are a treasure so precious that He gave his only Son – a Son who lights our way even when we take detours.
Watching the news reports of late, I wonder if our nation hasn’t wandered off. We are certainly not the first nation to do so and if time goes on, we won’t be the last. Chronicles 7-14 (KJV) states: “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” I pray for revival, for renewal of this nation so that our children and their children might know the beauty of a land full of God’s Grace and promise once again. I pray for a land not filled with wistful reminiscence of what once was, but endowed with a great hope of what is to come.
I realize that in due time I will wander off to a land from which I will not return. While I am ready, I don’t want to be on the next load. In the meantime, maybe I can find my way to the beach or somewhere selling cotton candy. Or maybe even a Ferrari dealership and the Smithsonian. You just never know what’s over the next hill.
About the Author
Phill Bettis is an author and attorney living in Forsyth. He has recently published a book “The Little Book of Annoying Questions: Understanding the Coming New American Revolution and an Unexpected Generation.” He currently practices law at Bettis Law Group, LLC in Alpharetta, GA.
