In her essay, “Welcome to Holland”, American author Emily Kingsley writes of her experiences as the mother of a child with Down syndrome.
Preparing for the birth of a child is like planning a fabulous vacation to Italy, Kingsley writes. Reading the guide books, learning some of the language, packing the right wardrobe. Everything is perfect. Then, the day arrives, and you are off. As the plane lands though, the pilot says, “Welcome to Holland!”
Wait. What? I signed up for Italy! I don’t want to go to Holland right now! There’s been a change of plans.
You are in Holland, and that’s where you will stay.
This will require adjustments in your life. The important thing is that you find out there is nothing wrong with Holland. It’s just a different place. Not what you had expected. So, you go out and buy new guide books, learn a different language, and meet people you would have never known.
Everyone else is busy coming and going from Italy though, bragging about what a wonderful time they had. Italy is also wonderful, and looks so easy. And you think, “That’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.” And that loss is painful, with a pain that never really goes away.
Grieving the loss of the child you thought you were going to have is part of the acceptance process.
Then the essay sums it up, “But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things…..about Holland.”
This essay perfectly describes how it feels to have a new baby with Down syndrome. Kingsley experienced that. She wrote this essay to help other parents. It is a comforting description, full of the hope and joy we have realized are a gift from God to us!
We are thankful for our Italy AND our Holland. Two such lovely, perfectly perfect places for our family.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
feature photo by Rudeseal Photographic Designers
About the author: Susan Lewis Ellis grew up in Habersham County. Her parents are Rev. Furman and Jeannette Lewis of Clarkesville. Susan and her husband, David, are the proud parents of daughters Lila and Ansley. The family lives in Venice, Florida. In observance of National Down Syndrome Awareness Month, Susan wrote a series of articles for Now Habersham about her daughter Ansley. You can read all of her articles by clicking on the links below.
The only disability in life is a bad attitude
Ellis: My child is not a diagnosis, she’s a person
Upside down sunglasses and fairy wings
