It has taken me quite a long time – 50 years to be exact – half a century in the words of some. And like most women and men my age, I have suffered through some hardships – divorce, loss, illness, and grief; sometimes wearing the events like medals of honor and other times hiding them from the eyes of anyone who looked my way. But I’ve come to realize at the age of 50, an age that could be classified as old or young- depending on your point of view – “I am enough.”
At any given moment I can float back to age 42, 34, 26, 17 and remember. I am the sum total of all those years put together and those just up ahead. I am laughter and sorrow; good times and bad; loving people and losing them; success and failure. I’ve learned life ‘is what it is.’ Not in a manner of resignation but of acceptance. The events of your past and my past are portions of our beings. They cannot be changed or altered. They are the definition in our walk, the determination of our step, and the character developing our hearts.
“Enough?” you may ask.
“Yes! There is nothing material or living and breathing. There is nothing somewhere else far away or close by. God makes me whole. He makes me enough.”
At 50 I’ve learned through a compilation of all the trials and struggles to enjoy now; because time is fleeting. I’ve learned to love those around me and listen to the words they express. I watch the changing color of the leaves for they will fall to the ground in the blink of an eye. And nothing that we have today is assured a tomorrow.
My husband knows I love birds. Despite my efforts to keep all the bird feeders full of yummy seeds, he always beats me to it. He put one on my window so when I wake up in the morning it is the first thing I see. The chirp of the birds as they eat fills my heart. God provides for them through us – and if we forget to fill the feeders one day – He’ll provide another way. Our birds aren’t anxious, simply trusting in the One who has made it all “enough.”
At the age of 50, I’m learning to appreciate the life I am living. I’m learning to trust my God and know He has a plan for my life far greater than anything I could ever long to obtain. In HIM, I am enough.
