Mondays with Mom

Mondays with Mom: Missing Out


As a caregiver, I sometimes feel like I’m missing out on activities and time with friends. I should not complain because we have such flexible caregivers at Mom’s and we are able to adjust for each other’s big events every time. Many caregivers are not able to have such freedom.

I’ve been missing out on time with my daughter, Julia, a lot lately. Between her schedule with school and work and my crazy life, we’ve been like two ships passing. She’s a junior in high school so we took part of Friday to visit a college and returned on Sunday after a working vacation in Charlotte.. It was a really sweet time to not “miss” another weekend with her.

Living an “in-between” or “sandwiched” life has made me think about “missing.” I looked it up on Bing and here, with some edits for brevity, are the adjective and verb definitions:

(of a thing) not able to be found because it is not in its expected place· gone astray · unaccounted for; not present or included when expected or supposed to be – wanting from · person) absent from a place, especially home, and of unknown whereabouts.

fail to notice, hear, or understand. – fail to attend, participate in, or watch (something one is expected to do or habitually does) – be too late to catch (a passenger vehicle, etc.) – fail to see or have a meeting with (someone) – not be able to experience or fail to take advantage of (an opportunity or chance) – notice the loss or absence of – feel regret or sadness at no longer being able to enjoy the presence of – feel regret or sadness at no longer being able to go to, do, or have.

What does it say about me when I admit to living in every adjective and verb definition?

Very often, I have misplaced my keys or phone or glasses – so they are missing. I am absent from time with friends or family – so I am missing them. I forget details – so there is data missing from a program. I let go of important facts and end up missing events. Sometimes I even overlook precious moments because of my own distraction. Most of all, though, I feel nostalgic for the past and days long gone.

This past weekend, my dearest friend experienced the sudden loss of her mother-in-law. I missed the opportunity to be a physical support for her during those incredibly difficult first days. I wanted to be with her, but I was 150 miles away working In Charlotte. I missed it. I am so glad to be home now and available to help with the funeral. I won’t miss that.

I’ve heard several times of the past busy few weeks from folks who wished they could be in two places at the same time. Graduations, weddings, parties, and other events seem to all pile up on us at the end of May. Unfortunately, our finite, single selves only allow participating in one event at a time. I guess that means we’re all missing out on something all the time.

Please don’t misunderstand. I know how important this time is with Mom and Dad. I guess I’m a bit melancholy today – somewhere between missing and longing. Guess I’ll just have to hug everyone a little tighter for a while. I hope you will, too.

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