They are arriving. Two and three daily. Different ideas. Different messages. Different colors. Different pictures.
I used to send them. By October I would have made the perfect picture of our growing family. I struggled with the perfect message to represent my feelings of Christmas. And my Christmas card list of addresses was a mile long.
But then all that changed, and I no longer had a “normal” family but a messed up, divided, no longer in existence family. And the Christmas cards came to a resounding stop.
Just yesterday I received a familiar card from one of my best childhood friends. She and her husband David have been married almost 30 years. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding and she in mine. And there she was with all her children – 1 more than me – a normal, happy family.
I tucked it away with all the other normal family Christmas cards of the past, taking the time to see how her kids have grown over the years.
I just want a normal family on a Christmas card, not a family with “steps” in it. And even in the best of circumstances, an X is still an X. Just as in school, nothing about an X brings comfort. It is a sign of failure. Blending is nonexistent, when secretly or not so secretly the parts want to be divided because they don’t fit. How do you even make a Christmas card after divorce and remarriage? It can never look the same or be the same. No matter the message, it doesn’t fit. Does Hallmark even make such a card for divorced families? Merry Shared Christmas from our house, to his and her house, to your house.
It doesn’t matter that I am happy in my new marriage, or he in his, our children are lost somewhere in between – Christmas card-less – house hopping – scheduling – trying to balance it all out and fit “everyone in.” I have friends battling the same waters that I am. When we get together, we just shake our heads because there is no easy answer for anyone. Who ever heard a Christmas Carole about divorce or single-parenthood or step-dads and step-moms?
And then my husband, in all his sweetness gave me card. A simple card, with 24 stick people drawn across the front representing all our children, children in’laws, and grandchildren. The boys had overly large ears and the girls skirts. There were no names above the faces of all that belonged in this half blended – half unblended group. All were surrounded by a giant heart. The words Merry Christmas adorned the top and the words, “Christmas in our hearts” were written across the bottom.
Christmas is all in the heart. If we all had perfect lives, He wouldn’t have come to save us; therefore, there wouldn’t be a need for Christmas cards or jingle bells or Honey-Baked hams. I may not have a normal family, but really, who does? And while I am enveloped with dysfunction and strife around the holidays, who isn’t? Joseph wasn’t Jesus’ biological father and Mary got pregnant before marriage. I bet they didn’t send out many Christmas cards either – but they were the family that changed the world.
For some, Christmas is the worst of times, and for others, it is the best of times; but, it is a season. And when we focus more on the reason than the season, it brings hope and joy when nothing else can.
Merry Christmas to all of the “normal” and “not-so-normal” families out there.
“For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved” – John 3:17.
