My mother, Elizabeth, passed away almost 15 years ago, but her presence is still vivid in my life. When I converse with others who have experienced a similar loss, we all echo the same sentiment. We find solace in the cherished memories they left us and the enduring effects of their love.
My dreams often bring my mother back to me, offering comfort and reassurance. Sometimes, I wake up feeling a pang of sadness, wishing that the dream was a reality and she was still with me. While my faith assures me that we will be reunited one day, for now, I find solace in the signs she sends from above.
Many of my friends lost their mothers when they were much younger than me. There is an ongoing sadness for the important times not shared with Mom. The days their mother didn’t see them marry or meet a child that looked like Aunt Susie or Grandma. They heroically carry their sorrow through the days and years that pass.
We all learn to live onward without Mom, but when we love Mama, we always wish she had not left. No matter her age, when she passed, it was too soon.
Many of us share a common regret: wishing we had done more while our mothers were still with us. The words left unspoken and the actions left uncompleted can haunt us, intensifying our grief. May this serve as a reminder of the importance of seizing the moment and expressing our love and gratitude while we still can.
It’s the times we didn’t thank them enough, visit more, or apologize for any pain and tears we caused. Most of the time, it’s too late for those things because the business of our lives got in the way.
I see it clearly in my children now. They are all in a busy phase of life, focused on working, worrying, and striving to achieve their goals. In this process, they often forget to return calls or texts and don’t rely on me as much as they used to. At first, this shift hurt a little. However, I now understand this is how it’s meant to be.
God prepares us for the inevitable last breath. He and I want our children to be independent and capable of caring for themselves and their loved ones.
After my father and only sibling died, it left just Mom and me to carry on. We lost both within 18 months, and thank the Good Lord that we were strong enough to weather the storm. We leaned on each other and drowned our grief in Scrabble games and Mom’s homemade peanut butter sweets.
One day, while I was driving her somewhere, she asked, “Lynn, are you going to be okay when I leave? You will be alone.”
“Mom, I will be fine. Remember, I have my kids, my husband, and God.” I responded, trying to assure her.
“But, Lynn, it’s not the same. “
I didn’t fully understand her statement, but I do now. When our mothers leave, we never fill the void with anyone or anything. It’s just the way it is.
I ascertain it is another life test: how we handle suffering, retain happy moments, and reach up to heaven to ease our days. As my dear grandmother said, “Grief, pain, and anguish give us wisdom and empathy if our hearts and faith are in the right place.”
Lordy, that’s the truth!
My mother was the wisest woman I ever knew. She never judged others because she understood the misery it could cause. Discrimination, hatefulness, and dishonesty were abhorrent to her. She was a quiet, resolute, fair, and competitive woman with a healthy sense of stubbornness. I admired her not only as my mom but also as a remarkable woman. I regret she did not share and tell us more about her life and experiences.
However, perhaps we didn’t ask. Maybe we didn’t want to know because we were too tired or busy to listen. It could be that we didn’t take the time, and then time ran out.
In the final hours before her death, Mother grasped my hand tightly, even though she was unconscious. At first, I thought she was trying to hold on because she didn’t want to leave. Now, I realize she was trying to spare me the pain of losing her.
We are grateful for the mothers who are still with us and those who embrace us from afar. We can never fully express our gratitude for their love and dedication to us, their children.
“A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one can take.” — Cardinal Gaspard Mermillod
Dedicated to Mom, Elizabeth Walker, with love.
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A reminder: Mother’s Day this year is Sunday, May 11.
